Saturday, February 3, 2018

Fresh Kills _ New Years - Day 29, _ Hold that Thought – Day 30



New Years - Day 29

We had gotten separated for a time on out trek back east.  My wife and son moved back first and stayed with some her of relatives. I spent some months waiting for a job to end, a merger that would likely end another thin economy job. I also put the house on the market.  I would be moving back once the house was sold, job ending or not.
In the meantime, my wife had made a friend in a job she found at the Mall.  I did not meet this friend until maybe six months after I got back to NYC and or the fifth wheel borough.
Her friend was Jewish and she invited us and many other people to celebrate Jewish New Year at her condo near the mall.
She met us at the car and we unloaded some edibles or drinkables that we were contributing to the feast.
She was middle aged and then she gave me the strangest stare not unlike I used to get from some middle-aged Midwesterner retired in Arizona and wondering what this New Yorker, fish out of water, elder from the church was all about.
She made some chit chat on the way up to her front door and they she says to me. “I know you”.
Hold that thought. What the hell was she was talking about.  She didn’t know me.





Hold that Thought – Day 30

What is it?  I am going back and thinking that maybe everything here at this level of post life is an examination around the last moments of life.
That I have not dwelled on the who killed me kind of thing. It does not matter.
And it killed me. A big ugly out of control jet. Beyond those thoughts of intent, pilot mistakes, mechanical difficulties do not matter.
The big slam into me as part of the energy of the bee hive where I labored was all that I am going to examine here.  Just as well.  In terms of death, the whole of life can be indicted here in the kangaroo court of the hereafter.
I am getting closer to that end zone of this game, these forty days, forty eons – God, will earth still be there when I can out of here and get a weekend pass as visitor as a ghost for some other level of analysis and reconciliation?
Anyway, I am in an interior decorator, no Hollywood film set decorator frame of mind. What do I find at the other side of door number one with another possible six doors to enter? 
Perhaps you don’t have to go on if you don’t want to.
Maybe I can just stay put for a few eons and rest.
As a basic nontrinitarian agnostic, I am also areligionist – without religion and dogma.  I lived my life day to day existence with Jesus’ basic golden rule and am too what could you call it, a cultural Catholic and or cultural Christian.
Too many cooks have spoiled the broth on the perception end of what heaven and or paradise looks like, it infrastructure, its basic and real purpose etc. I pull out a cosmic cigar and light up, and watch the smoke, do the basic shaman thing.
If I were going to paint a picture, design a set for the living level I would have to go for the happy hunting ground theme of my hunter gatherer ancestors. Throw out the electric lights and tapestries of urban living and just go camping outdoors under a cover of stars at night…
... first man and first woman were infused with the spirit of the universe.
At their beginning, their eyes saw the marvels that their ancestors had ridden as a flow.
With eyes first opening came a knowledge of before the beginning of first man and first woman.
After the beginning, first man and first woman could no longer ride a flow of energy – a flow of nature.
Eyes first opened made for hearts saddened. Something was lost with the gain of eyes first opened.
The parent of first man and first woman – nature – was still nature but somehow apart.
Knowledge of the great divide – before the beginning and the chaos afterward –
Opened an inner voice.
We are –
but who are we in relation to the all –
the universe?
Smoke. Puff. Puff.
More smoke.

Go with the flow



No comments:

Post a Comment